Monday, July 05

Mark Haslam

Monday, July 5, 1999

Mother, wife, secretary, volunteer. Born in 1925 in India. Died of a heart attack in Toronto aged 74.
Violet was born in Calcutta, India, on June 5, 1925. Her mother died at childbirth, and she was adopted by David and Mary Peters, whose child was stillborn the same day in the same hospital. Mary died three years later, and David was a man who had a big heart but little money to support his young daughter.

So Violet grew up in Entally, one of the poorest sections of Calcutta, and went to Pratt Memorial -- a boarding school run by Anglican nuns. She would often recall how her teachers would console her when she was left behind while other girls went home for vacations. She cherished the times her adoptive father came to visit her in lieu of birthday and Christmas gifts.

But instead of becoming bitter and feeling that she'd been dealt a rotten hand, she wove a life of faith and love.

After graduating from secondary school she briefly worked as a teacher before being trained as a secretary. On Dec. 11, 1948, she married Dennis Aubrey Haslam, the first man who courted and proposed to her.

For most of their 42 years of marriage she was the primary breadwinner, working as an administrative secretary. Having been orphaned herself, she was determined to have a big family, and within 14 years she had nine children, her "jewels," as she called them.

Over the years, she endured many hardships, among them eviction for unpaid rent, family epidemics of childhood illnesses, spousal abuse and sexual harassment at work. Her faith pulled her through.

One of her favourite pieces of advice was, "Pray darling, pray to God. He'll take care of everything." She would wake at 6 a.m. and say her prayers, usually beginning and ending them with thanksgiving and supplications for her children and anyone in trouble.

Violet poured most of her love into her children and was eternally forgiving. Over and over she'd say to them, "It doesn't matter what you've done, tell me the truth. I'll always love you."

She was also a tireless advocate for her children. To her, education was the key to a better life. She worked hard, borrowed money from friends and wangled scholarships so that her children could attend private schools in Calcutta.

Her face would fill with pride when she watched any of them receive an academic or athletic prize, or perform in a school play or elocution contest. As they graduated from secondary school her aspirations for them led her to send them to Canada -- in ones and twos -- even though it tore her apart to be separated from them. She would cry for days after each of them left.

One of the happiest days of her life was when she was able to reunite with her children in Canada in 1980.

In Toronto, Violet encountered employment barriers to older women and immigrant women, and had to string together a series of short contract jobs.

After she retired she took up volunteer work with children at the Grenoble school and with invalids at the Grace Hospital. She enjoyed working with the Red Cross and the Winchester Group at St. Paul's Anglican Church. And, remembering her own roots, she'd quietly send money from her meagre pension to sponsor foster children.

Violet loved people. She kept in touch with friends from her days at Pratt Memorial, enjoyed corresponding with pen pals, and befriended strangers. When she worked at American Express in Calcutta in the sixties and seventies, she became famous among travelling hippies as someone who could be turned to for help. She would stand guarantor for them when they had lost their passports and needed to cash a travellers cheque. She'd often invite them home for meals, and sometimes to stay for a few days.

Violet, the little orphan girl from Calcutta, is lovingly remembered by her nine "jewels" (Delphine, Ian, Carroll, Richard, Eugene, Dennise, Robin, Glennford and Mark) and their partners, 10 grandchildren, a great-grandson, and a vast circle of friends around the world who were her chosen family.

Mark Haslam is Violet Haslam's son.